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Name	ASK

Subject	Raising a Child Alone in Seoul, South Korea: One Single Mother's Story 20071021

2007.10.21

Raising a Child Alone in Seoul, South Korea: One Single Mother’s Story

By Annie Sirgey

Eunjeong Park sat, tissue in hand, talking to an audience of about twenty people all gathered in the reception area of a building run by KOROOT, an organization in Seoul that helps connect Korean adoptees with their homeland. With gaze cast downward, back hunched over, and legs tucked under, she quietly recounted the difficulties she has faced as a single mother raising a child on her own in Seoul today. Her interpreter, a compassionate woman in her early twenties, sat on her left, listening carefully to her every word. She interpreted slowly, her sentences carrying the slurs and monotones of a person who spent a lot of time in North America.

I could see the guest speakers and audience as I rushed toward the sliding glass doors of the building. I was late to this important gathering organized by Adoptee Solidarity Korea (ASK) of which I was a member and hoped I hadn’t missed too much. I wanted to get a first-hand account of the trials and tribulations single mothers in Korea face. It turns out I caught the tail end of the first talk given by a short woman with a small oval face sitting on Eunjeong’s right. I would have to get her story from another member of the audience later.

Eunjeong was working in Changwon, a small city located near Pusan, when she discovered she was pregnant. She says she was fortunate enough to hear about Aeranwan, a home for single mothers in Seoul, through a friend. During her pregnancy, Aeranwan provided Eunjeong a place to stay, as well as numerous group therapy sessions and post-birth options. Unlike other homes for pregnant women which do not give mothers the option to keep their children, the women at Aeranwan ultimately decide whether to keep or relinquish their children after carefully weighing the pros and cons of being a single mom in Korea. They are not forced to send their babies abroad for adoption if they do not want to.

Eunjeong never thought of giving up her child while she was pregnant. She was going to raise her without the help of family and friends. Six years have since passed and so have her ideas about her child raising abilities and resources. There have been times when she seriously thought about leaving her child at an orphanage especially when she has become financially or emotionally destitute having nobody to turn to for help.

The discrimination she and her daughter have faced would be considered cruel and unjust bordering on inhumane by many in Korea and abroad. In one instance, when her daughter was still a baby, she interviewed for ten different jobs, not getting hired for any. However, a few months later when she tried again, she was hired right away. The difference? In her last interview she left out that she was a single mom. Furthermore, when her daughter was two or three, Eunjeong noticed her one day scratching at the kitchen door just as a cat who’s been locked outside might do. Unnerved by her daughter’s strange behavior, she decided to investigate what was wrong. She discovered that the mothers at the daycare center she had placed her daughter in were locking her in a room by herself to keep her from interacting with the other children. The mothers knew Eunjeong was raising her daughter alone. Eunjeong quickly moved her daughter to a different daycare center, this time lying about her marital status.

As Eunjeong spoke, the audience listened in rapturous attention. We were mostly Korean adoptees from the US and Europe living in Seoul, and although we come from several walks of life and have different interests and personalities, we are all bound together by our status as “adoptee”. This one word has the cohesive effect of two magnets that have been placed side by side together. It does not take much to feel an instant connection. Listening to a woman who had decided to keep her child broadened our perspective on the issues surrounding adoption.

To my surprise, Eunjeong’s advice to other single pregnant mothers was to give their children up. Her reason was that although Korea is a richer society today (It is now the world’s 11th largest economy), attitudes among Koreans are not. They are still traditional, backed by male-dominated Confucian principles. Prejudices about unwanted pregnancies are both the root of the problem as well as the result of greater societal ills. Eunjeong receives no welfare checks or assistance from the government nor receives child support payments from the father of her child. Korean law states (or more accurately doesn’t state) that unwed fathers are responsible for helping raise their children. Furthermore, Eunjeong never received any form of sex education until she went to Aeranwan, and to this day there are no centers or hotlines pregnant women can turn to for advice or counseling. And even if there were, most would be too ashamed to utilize the resources.

Shame was a recurring theme in Eunjeong’s talk. When asked about the number of women she had spoken with at Aeranwan who had been sexually abused growing up, she answered over seventy percent had. Not only had most been sexually abused, many had also been victims of physical violence or other troubles within the family. “You cannot imagine the intensity of their stories. Their stories were often worse than mine.”

Eunjeong’s own story begins with her mother. She was an orphan during the Korean war who later married a farmer, became pregnant with Eunjeong’s sister, and made plans to lead a quiet life in the countryside. Shortly after she became pregnant with Eunjeong her husband passed away. With few resources and little formal education, her mother, now widowed and undesirable to become another man’s wife, moved the family to a one-room apartment where she brought home men on a regular basis. Eunjeong, her sister, mother, and the boyfriend her mother happened to be with at the time slept on the same bed. Eunjeong was sexually abused by one of these boyfriends. Her mother, upon being told this still forced Eunjeong to sleep next to him, adding that if he touched her it was Eunjeong’s fault for being a “bad” girl.

The self-hate many unwed pregnant women feel is enough for them to choose international adoption as the best option for them and their babies (In 2005, 98% of the 2,000-some children adopted abroad were children of single mothers). The women feel their children will have a better life abroad and will be raised in a stable and loving environment. However, many come to regret their decision and wait (or hope) for the day, twenty, thirty years down the road when their children will return to Korea looking for them.

After Eunjeong finished her talk, not a single sound could be heard in the reception hall. No feet tapped, papers shuffled, pens scribbled, or throats coughed. The room was silent. Silent until Eunjeong’s daughter and a few other children began making noise in the back. I looked at Eunjeong and back at her daughter and felt an immense respect for her. I saw her as a messenger that gave voice to single mothers in Korea and would perhaps one day help in the struggle toward greater gender equality and improved rights for unwed mothers. I was grateful for the opportunity to hear her story. As I pass it on to you, I hope you too will be able to get something from it. Thanks for reading.

[The mother’s name has been changed to protect her identity

DATE: 2007.11.14 - 02:01

Overseas Adoption [Letter to the Editor] 2007.12.24

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