Archive


Name	Adoptee Solidarity Korea

Subject	Am I American or am I Korean? Part I 2008.11.25

The Korea Herald
11.23.08

Am I American or am I Korean?

Following is Part I of a three part series on growing up adopted. Part II will be in tomorrows Expat Living. To comment, e-mail

[email protected]. Richard Spalding can be reached through his blog www.inmyseoul.com - Ed.

My mothers favorite childhood story about me was when I paraded around the house with an American flag, playing Bruce Springsteens Born in the USA on my Playskool cassette player, and singing along at the top of my lungs. Ironically, this song was my favorite while I was growing up. It is ironic because I was not born in the USA.
I celebrate Oct. 20 as my birthday. I say celebrate because I do not know the exact date of my birth. The reason my parents dont know my birthday is because I was adopted from the Grace Orphanage in Daejeon, Korea, when I was about 5 years old. My adoptive parents had to assign a birthday to me for legal purposes, and they chose Oct. 20, 1980.

Yes, they even had to pick the year for my birthday.

I was brought to the orphanage because I was found alone in a bakery in Korea at a very young age. I have no information about myself or my biological family. This includes information such as my name, birthday, or anything about my biological family.

For the past two and a half years I have been working for an oil company in West Africa. In the last year, I used my four-week vacations to visit Korea for the first time since being adopted. I have spent about 13 weeks in Korea in the last year. These trips have seemed to spark a new found interest in anything dealing with Korea.
These trips to Korea have also caused me to think more about my identity. Am I American, Korean or Korean-American?

This may not seem like a big deal to other people who are not adopted, but a large percentage of foreign adoptees go through these identity struggles at some point in their lives. For some reason I never struggled with these issues while I was growing up. I think the reason for this was because I was so focused on integrating and becoming part of American culture.

After my three visits to Korea in the last year, this issue seemed to creep up to the surface.

American?

I am an American citizen and I am proud of that. As a matter of fact, if you talked to me on the phone you would not be able to tell that I was born in Korea. I am also one of the most patriotic people you will ever meet.

No matter how hard I tried to assimilate into society, there were always constant reminders that I was an outsider. The most obvious and constant reminder is the fact that I look different from everyone else. I grew up in a predominately white suburb of Detroit. There were the occasional racial slurs and jokes about your flat face or flat nose, or even someone muttering fake Chinese as I walked by.

I have a pretty thick skin so these things never really bothered me. The things that bothered me were the discussions about nationalities versus loyalties. Here is an example of how this type of discussion may sound:

Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: Korea.
Stranger: No youre not.
Me: Yes I am.
Stranger: Youre American! You have an American passport!
Me: Oh you mean where do I live, or whats my citizenship? Then yes, I from America or I am a U.S. citizen. However, I was born in Korea so I am from Korea.
Stranger: If I wanted to know that I would have asked Where were your born?
Me (frustrated): Who cares, I was born in Korea and I live in the U.S. and I am a U.S. citizen.

This exemplifies the identity crisis that foreign adoptees face. The stranger asked a question that can obviously be answered in a variety of ways. People who were born and live in the same country all of their lives dont have to worry about this because the answer to the question is simple. For a foreign adoptee, the answer is a bit more complicated.

I love the Olympics. My favorite event is short track speed skating. I love watching short track speed skating and archery because South Korea is considered a powerhouse in these events. I also love keeping track of the medal count because I am always proud of how many medals Korea captures - even with its small population relative to the other countries. The Olympic Games bring up another example of a problem faced by foreign adoptees. Who do you cheer for? This may seem simple, but can become much more complicated when you consider the implications of a persons loyalty to a country. If I ever had to choose between my motherland and the United States, Im not sure I could clearly pick one over the other.

Korean?

On the outside I am Korean, very Korean. I love Korean food and I love Korean culture - both historic and popular culture.

Korean food is the best. I love it all. I am a foodie with a blog (www.inmyseoul.com). My blog mainly focuses on Korean Food, whether it is restaurant reviews or my attempts at cooking Korean Food. I have found several other bloggers similar to me (i.e. either adopted or Korean-American) who also blog about the same topic. I never thought I would find myself blogging, but I started doing it about six months ago and I have not stopped since. I think its almost a therapeutic remedy. It allows me to explore more into myself and the things that interest me - right now that interest is anything that has to do with Korea.

One food I rediscovered during my visits to Korea was boiled silkworms. The reason I say rediscovered is because I do not remember ever eating silkworms before. However, when I tried them during my visits, the taste was so unique that I instantly recalled having that taste sensation before in my life. Apparently I loved that taste as a child and after 22 years I was reunited with a flavor that I could recall from my five years in Korea at the beginning of my life.

Besides food, I have been totally enthralled by Korean television and music. I am a music, television and movie junkie. I have started growing my collection of Korean CDs. My first Korean CD ever was by The Brown Eyed Girls. I cant understand the lyrics, but the music, beat and the way the lyrics sounded was unbelievable. Thus began my addiction to Korean music. Since then I have purchased over 50 Korean CDs. My current favorite artist is Younha. She has an unbelievable voice, and while again I have no clue what she is singing about, I can feel her emotions through her singing.
I have seen more of Korea than most Koreans.

On my first trip to Korea I visited Seoul, Daejeon, Cheongju, Gongju, Andong Hahoe-maeul, and Gyeongju. After my first visit to Korea, I was invited by the Hong family to join them for skiing over the Chinese New Year. The Hongs graciously put me up while I stayed in Korea. I decided to make a full ski trip out of my second visit to Korea. I skied at Muju, Yongpyeong, High 1 and Sungwoo ski resorts. On my third and last trip I visited Seoul, Busan, Boseong, Gwangju, Daejeon and Jeju Island. My trips were to learn and see as much of Korea as I possibly could.

On my first visit to Daejeon, I visited the orphanage I came from.

I remember getting out of the taxi - along with Kim Young-min and her friend, who were there to help translate for me - and standing outside the orphanage. It didnt look like anything I thought I remembered. We walked in and Young-min introduced us to the lady in the orphanage (who appeared to be a little older than me).

When Young-min told the lady my Korean name, she immediate responded I know who he is! She told us to wait a minute and she went to make a phone call. She came back and explained how she knew who I was. She explained that her last name is Yang. My Korean name had been Yang Eun-hee (or some variation thereof). My last name Yang was given to me by her mother whose family name is Yang.

Her mother worked at the orphanage when I was there and is now its president. In essence, this lady was my orphanage sister. She explained that children with no family backgrounds, like me, were given names by her mother and they always used her family name for them. She further explained that there was only a small handful - four or five - of us orphans who were adopted outside of Korea.

We found out that the person the lady called was her mother. Her mother showed up and we talked a while. Mrs. Yang told us how she was so worried about the four or five of us who were adopted overseas. She explained that God had blessed us, and that one of the other adoptees returned to the orphanage the year before.

I was the second one to come back. She broke down crying because she was so happy to see us doing so well. The other orphan is a doctor in Germany, and I am a chemical engineer.

For over 20 years she never received updates on how we were doing, and she just assumed we were lost.

It really broke my heart. I never thought about the feelings of the people who worked at the orphanage. I assumed they were just happy to have one less kid around. However, I could really tell that she honestly cared and loved every orphan there. I was just happy to see where I came from, and afterwards was happy to be able to provide closure for this lady. I hope that she can see how huge of an impact she made on my life - and all of the other orphans she has worked with.

Working in an orphanage is a lot of work, is not glamorous, and Im sure not profitable. Ive read a quote that goes something like Success isnt measured on how much money I make in my lifetime, but on the impact I have on a childs life. Mrs. Yang must be one of the most successful people I have ever met.

My first trip focused on seeing and learning as much as I could about Korean history. I visited Cheongju to visit the Independence Hall, Gongju to visit King Muryioungs Tombs, Andong Hahoe-maeul for the Mask Dance Festival - which I would recommend to everyone - and Gyeongju for its historical value.

Andong Hahoe-maeul is a village filled with traditional style homes. The government has tried to keep the village as original as possible. I stayed there for four days and three nights. When I first told Mr. Hong my plans he asked me What are you going to do there for that long? I wasnt exactly sure myself. The Mask Dance Festival is during the day, and I quickly found out at night there is nothing. I literally mean nothing. No restaurants. No lights. Very few people. I found this out my first night when I walked around and could not find any place to eat. So I went to bed kind of hungry with only the snacks I carried with me.

The next morning is when I found out what Andong Hahoe-maeul has to offer. I woke up to the sound of the roosters in the village. Ordinarily I would be annoyed at being woken up at 5 a.m. - but not this time (probably due to the fact that the town shuts down at 7 p.m.). I opened the windows to my room to see the most beautiful sight in my life; the luscious green hills in the background, with the morning mist rolling over them, and the sun coming over the horizon from the back, burning off the morning fog on the hillside. This is definitely an experience everyone in Korea should have. While Seoul has so much to offer, you are only seeing a fraction of Korea if you never leave the capital.

The land of the morning calm became very real to me that morning.

My third trip focused on visiting more of Korea. The purpose of visiting Busan (besides seeing the city) was to visit the Jagalchi fish market. However, I found that the local market outside of the Jagalchi fish market was more fascinating. Watching the ajummas selling fish and other various sea life from large buckets was amazing. Even more amazing was eating at a food stall at this market - with the fresh sashimi and the smell of the local fish being sold and the ocean across the road.

These types of experiences were exactly what I was hoping for during my visits to Korea. In Boseong I visited the Daehan Tea Plantation. Lastly, in Gwangju, I found a great shopping district where the roads were closed off and the streets were constantly packed with young shoppers.

I finished off my third trip by showing my parents, sister, and grandpa around Korea. In Jeju I climbed Mount Halla because the main characters of the Korean Drama Kim Sam Soon did the same at its climax. Yes, I am that much of a K-drama fan.

I took my family to Daejeon to visit the orphanage I was adopted from, and finally to Seoul to meet the Hongs. This was the perfect way to spend the end of my last trip, being able to share my love for Korea with my family.

I think culture wise, I relate more with Korea and things Korean. However, when I visit Korea I realize how different I am. I love Korea for the fact that when I am here, I blend in; Im part of the crowd. You can no longer pick me out of the crowd - that is, until I open my mouth.
What is hard is when you look Korean and are traveling by yourself and you explain that you cant speak Korean: Hanguk-mal mothaeyo (I dont speak Korean). They give you this real puzzled look and then continue speaking to you in Korean. Ive also had people turn down service to me because I was not able to communicate. I dont hold this against them; its probably not worth their trouble to work it out. This really hurt me. Being in the country I was born in and not being able to communicate and being turned away because I could not speak my native language.

The conclusion of Richard Spaldings essay will be in tomorrows Expat Living. - Ed.

By Richard Spalding

2008.11.25

www.koreaherald.co.kr

DATE: 2008.11.25 - 11:09

Part II: Am I American or am I Korean? 2008.11.26

Searching for the holy grail amid the ruins of war 2008.10.29